i had a couple of emotional days. haven’t been sleeping well. just life going in a full circle i guess. i can either go down a dark road, or keep my head up and go higher and higher. i choose the second path and now i’m ok. i got up 2 days at 2am tossing and turning thinking about life. life can be hard, life can be easy. it just depends on the road you want to take. for me, there are lots of things i want to accomplish before i’m gone. so in these next few years, please don’t freak out on the things i do. i have a reason for everything and the main reason for challenging myself is to complete my life of passion. i didn’t have this when i was younger, but now that i’m older and wiser, it’s time to get all the things i want to do in my lifetime. it’s never too late!
here is my diary i wrote early in the morning before i took one of the biggest challenges of my life:
well, the day has come. probably one of the biggest challenges in my life. yeah, always wanted to run the honolulu marathon but this is different. this is my personal marathon and i’m not racing against anyone. i chose to do it alone to challenge myself. and i’m doing it alone because nobody else wants to do it with me. haha. i slept last night at 10pm. set my alarm for 4am but woke up at 2am. been thinking about things and how i’m going to pull this off. go slow? go fast? ummmm. maybe start of at 80%, then when i hit sandy’s, slow down to 60%. then from hawaii kai, i’m going 100% all the way to waikiki. i tested the paddle board out yesterday for 15 minutes and flipped over 5 times in the calm water. it’s so hard to balance on that thing. maybe i should practice more? probably, but i want to challenge myself. try to figure it out as i go on. i will stick a small bottle of water in my shorts, maybe stick my small dig. camera in my pocket. will have my shades and watch. that’s it. my friend craig who paddleboards called me last night and gave me some advise. he tried to talk me into doing a short one first from hawaii kai to waikiki. for me, that’s not a challenge. i’m pretty sure i can do that on my shortboard. this morning will be a challenge for me. i will start off in the dark and turn one of the heaviest corners on the island, makapuu point. it’s a place where i drive my boat on calm days and am scared. the currents, the water backwashing off the cliffs, and the deep blue sea. i’ve actually seen huge whales jumping right where i’ll be paddling. and under me, i’m sure there are a lot of sharks. not sure, positive. my friend mike was nice enough to call me yesterday and offer me a ride out to makapuu. he will drop me off, and i will tell him that if i don’t make it back to kaimana beach by 11am, call the coast guard. anyway, it’s time to go.
i bought a puppy 18 years ago. a miniature pincher and was the cutest thing ever. we named her chibi. every day for the past 18 years, she loved me no matter what. if i was good or bad, she didn’t care. it felt really good for these past 18 years to come home to a dog that loves you so much. last night, chibi passed away. it’s going to be different not coming home to a happy doggie. it’s going to be different not having her bark at strangers coming over. and it’s going to be different not seeing her everywhere i walk in my house anymore. i’m sad, but also happy that she’s in a good place. so passed away so calm and so peacefully. it was actually pretty beautiful. anyway, when i’m paddling today, i will be thinking of her for sure. my dog chibi, 18 years of unconditional love. i will surely miss her. goodbye chibi.
