i wrote this blog right after i came home from M6 but didn’t post it because i thought it might be too heavy. it was april 19th to be exact. then after looking at it again over a month later, i decided to post it because this was my feeling at the time. i’ve been though so many different experiences since i started traveling. learned so much about life. learned how to appreciate everything i have, and don’t have. after every mission we went through, there were happy times, and sad times. it’s like a roller coaster spinning out of control at times. i’ve sat in my hotel room late at nights during these missions crying like a baby. then waking up and putting on a fake smile. something very hard to do and i know i wasn’t the only one. the day i wrote this blog, i remember stopping many times because i just couldn’t continue. hurt? pain? guilt? everything you can think of was taking over my mind. seeing things on tv, and experiencing things in person is totally different. this day will be in the back of my mind forever. here’s what i wrote on april 19th.
every since 3/11, my life hasn’t been the same. and ever since M6, my life will never be the same. driving to the We Are One Market in Ishinomaki, we passed by Okawa Elementary School. four times to be exact. the first time, we passed by to pay our respects to the 74 of the 108 children and 10 of the 13 teachers that died that day.
driving up to the school gave me the chills. our car went silent as we got closer to the memorial they set up. i walked near the devastated classes and could actually hear the children’s voices. they were voices of cheerful children playing but nobody was there. it was such a heavy experience for me. i had such a hard time holding in my emotions and didn’t want to leave. we spent some time walking around and left. then driving 3 minutes to to the We Are One Market where there is pure happiness. emotionally going from the lowest to the highest was a first for me. i felt numb, lost, and so lonely. honestly, it was hard for me to smile after visiting the school.
seeing what was once a beautiful school full with color and life was hard. it was dark, empty, and so sad. and to think the kids tried to hang on to their lives was too much for me.
then we had to pass it on the way back to our hotel. then the next morning again to go back to the market. then on the way back to our hotel after day 2, we stopped there again because some of our team didn’t get a chance to pay their respects. we stopped, i didn’t want to get out of the car. i didn’t feel like going down a dark tunnel again after seeing so many happy faces earlier that day. but to wait in the car, i felt apart from the team. so i got out, walked around, and needed the time to myself. i looked into the classrooms that were once filled with kids so eager to learn. classrooms aren’t supposed to look like this.
i took a walk up the hill where some of the kids made it and survived. i had to experience what they did to understand what the heck went wrong. first, it was pretty hard getting up the hill for me, and if you add snow and rain, it was almost impossible for a kid. then once on the hill, i looked around and there was absolutely nothing left. no life, no buildings, and no nothing. Okawa Elementary School is 4 km (2 miles) up from the beach. who would ever think the tsunami would come up this far? the kids who made it up the hill survived, and the kids who stayed on the lower level with their teachers died.
this is the memorial for the kids. next to this are solar panels lined up with an electrical cord going into the school. it’s to light up the school at night for the kids.
see naoka, ryosuke, and maki up on the hill? that’s where the safe line was. if you were anywhere below it, you got washed away.
the school had 50 minutes to evacuate. some parents picked up their kids after the earthquake. they survived. for the rest of the kids, a few made it to the hill, but most stayed below and when the 40′ wave came, they had no chance.
words can’t explain the way i felt that day.
next to the memorial was a photo of the school and surroundings before 3/11. look how green and beautiful this place was.
after seeing the school and walking around the grounds, my whole perspective of life has changed. i love kids. they are so pure and innocent. they weren’t supposed to die that day. they were in a safe place, which was their school. as a parent, you would feel secure that they are with adults that would protect them. 10 teachers died and i’m sure the other 3 how survived will feel the pain for the rest of their lives. even though i wasn’t there that day, i wish i was. i wish i could have saved somebody’s child. i wish it was me who died instead of one of those children. i haven’t felt so guilty in my life. my heart goes out to the families that lost their kids that day. i think about them everyday since i heard their spirits. i’m going down a dark tunnel again. better sign off.
but just want to say this for last. if you have a child or children, give them a big hug. love them, love them, and love them. it could be the last time you ever see them again.
this is part of the documentary that featured Okawa Elementary School. watching it again is pretty sad.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMyXAKieO0o [/youtube]
and this is the story of a brave kid that survived. i watched this when i got back to hawaii. heavy stuff.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbSu3sEhZr4[/youtube]
